Grand Finale - The Saga of Etsia -

The heart of the evil Baron Von Reseller is stuck on being bad - extra bad - for all he loves is making money - lots of money - by hook or by crook.

As promised I'm posting the finale of Heidi O'Brien's Etsia Saga.  Originally Heidi 'hi-jacked' a thread in etsy's forums that was rambling on ad nauseam about the front page wedding banner that etsy is doggedly clinging to.  Many etsians have grown weary of the banner and wish it would be retired.  After several pages of repetitious thread comments saying basically the same thing; "Etsy we're tired of the Wedding Banner - ditch it", in jumped Heidi with her story and suddenly the thread came to life and everyone was enraptured with her tale of Sir Reginald and the evil Baron Von Reseller.  Unfortunately someone in etsy admin closed the thread and disbanded the group of eager story followers. 

Heidi's etsy shop is fairly new, wonderfully novel and intriguingly  interesting.  She is currently working on starting up her own blog.   I highly encourage her to follow through on this for she has a true flair for writing coupled with an, off the chart, vivid imagination.  I'm sure her blog will be a delightful and novel one.

~------------------------------------~

The Count handed Sir Reginald a box containing seashells, glitter and broken vintage earrings.

"No, oh no, mercy good gentlemen, mercy!" the Baron cowered down as far as his cyborg coils would allow.

"No mercy, Baron." Sir Reginald applied the glue and the first layer of glitter with ruthless force. "There shall be no mercy given today. My apologies."
Within minutes the half man, half cyborg once known as the Baron became a crafter's nightmare, adorned with tastelessness and trademark infringements. When he was finished, Sir Reginald wheeled the baron out to the edge of the cliff where the ravens of Regretsia would soon grasp him in their claws of hilarity and take him to their queen. There he would be torn apart by wit and snark of the highest order, a fitting punishment for such as he. "Now to free the brides!"

The two noble friends and the army of Integrity searched the factory high and low. They almost gave up in despair, but a low cry from a hidden cupboard lead them to the prison of the captured Arabella. Her head removed, she was still as beautiful as before.

"Without a face you don't look nearly as sad as you once did!" cried the Count as he threw his arms around her in rapture. But wait! There was her head under a pile of OOAK brass steampunk pocket watches, as thrillingly melancholy as always. Before long, all the brides and their errant heads were found and reassembled with hot glue, and all left the mills of Von Reseller with happy hearts.

"Count, you mustn't let your darling Arabella anywhere near the mills again!" chided Sir Reginald with a wink.

"Let her? I will positively BAN HER from appearing here again!" chuckled the Count. And with that barely serviceable pun thrown in at the last moment, the heroes clinked their swords and went home to tea.

THE END

Thank you to all who took the time to read. Heidi O'Brien

~----------------------------------------~ 

I cannot thank Heidi enough for allowing me the privilege of posting her story on my blog.  It was a delightful flight into fantasy and those of us familiar with etsy get and appreciate the satire behind her humor. Thank you Heidi for granting us these moments of ecstatic  entertainment.

Click Here to visit Heidi's etsy shop

Click Here to visit Heidi's facebook page

Continuation of the Riveting Tale of Etsia by Cabaret Ghost Productions

And so the saga of Etsia continues ... who shall prevail ?  The titillating tale of truth triumphanting over terror continues with Heidi O'Brien's wondrous satire ...

----------------------------------------

"So, Baron Von Reseller, you thought it would be great laughs to abduct my wife, did you?"'
Count Upcyledonio stood upright on the rafters, his moustache shining sleek in the shadows.

" Is this true, Baron?" bellowed Sir Reginald.

The Integrity team stood to the ready, swords and arrows sharp and erect.
"There are rumors, Baron, that you behead stolen brides and put them in your cupboard of doom. If this is correct, then your own head will be adorned on the Hipster Pike of Shame on the towers of Brooklyn Castle. Release the woman I love or I shall fall on you from this great height", the Count spread out his arms like a bird on a stenciled canvas tote bag and prepared to leap. 

"Collective DEACTIVATE!" yelled the Baron, and his cyborg helpers separated with much whirring and clicking of cogs, until there were again hundreds of machines on the factory floor.
"Minions, guard my collection of headless brides - and make sure the new one is still held captive in the cellar." 

" ARABELLA!" cried the Count as he jumped from the rafters and hurled himself downwards towards the evil baron.

The Baron simply chuckled and held up a copper arrow that looked suspiciously like merchandise from a popular trilogy . Before the Count was pierced by its copyright- infringing point, Sir Reginald threw a spiked cease and desist ball and it splintered into a thousand pieces.

The army circled the Baron, their shirtless chests and well-toned arms tensed for action.
With a wave of his hand, the Baron made the signal to his minions to take aim from their miniature canon-ball eye-sockets. There was a great burst of smoke and a shower of indifferent sparks, but when it all cleared it was revealed that the canons had not fired.

"Who is the head engineer?" screamed the Baron. "Step forward!"

A quivering mound of clockwork pieces wheeled a few centimeters towards its master, it's spherical head cast downwards.
"Well congratulations you buffoon" the Baron dripped with the drippiest drips of sarcasm to ever drip from a villain's mouth. "You have won the 'Three-Armed Blunder Vest Award'. I do hope you are happy."

"This has gone on long enough!' broke in the Count. 'There will be no more beheaded brides in Etsia!"

"And there will be no more mills owned by the Baron Von Reseller!" added Sir Reginald.

With a great roar, the noble knights swarmed the factory floor, their swords of justice swinging and their tight trousers bursting with nobility and courage.

Cogs and springs and coils and pieces of machinery evocative of a more oldey-worldey time flew through the air as swords flashed and knuckles punched through metal rib-cages. The Baron and his minions were no match for the strength and cunning invested in the Integrity army of Etsia. The floor was streaked with chevron lines of blood mixed with oil, the air smelt of sweat and the stale cupcake stench of fear.
Soon, all that was left of the Baron's collective was the Baron himself.

"It shall be you and I," said the Count, "in a duel to the death. You may choose your weapon." 

"Let it be me," said Sir Reginald. "It would be my honor to fight on behalf of my long-time friend and one-time nemesis. I believe we are half cousins too, I think that was mentioned somewhere?"

"True, we are," nodded the Count. "Old schoolmates as well, cavorting happily in the nursery in our short pants, playing soldiers. Funny that we should fight side by side now, as we did in our long ago games of chivalry."

"Don't forget our exploits at the university," chuckled Sir Reginald. "The songs we sang, the women we courted...those sad and sweet moments of first love that we confided in each other...the secrets and hopes for the future that we..."

"OH JUST HURRY UP AND KILL ME!" cried the Baron. '"SHUT UP AND PICK A BLEEDING WEAPON, ANY WEAPON, I DON'T DAMN WELL CARE!"

Sir Reginald produced two hot-glue guns from his weapon-pack and threw one to the outstretched hand of the Baron.

"What in damnation is this?" asked the Baron. "How could such a contraption work?"

"I should have known that a Von Reseller would never have touched one of these in his life," smiled Sir Reginald as he held up his hot-glue gun and made ready to take aim...

-----------------------------------------------------

Credits for story and imagination go to:

Author: Heidi O'Brien

esty shop: cabaretghostproductions

Heidi O'Brien's CaberetGhost facebook page: CabaretGhostProductions

Blogger is being a b_ _ _ _ today and I'm having trouble getting it to put in the links. here are Heidi's links . 

Etsy people profile:http://www.etsy.com/people/cabaretghost

Etsy shop:

http://www.etsy.com/shop/cabaretghost

Facebook page:

http://www.facebook.com/#!/CabaretGhostProductions