In One Word....YUCK !

Photo above : UFO-coffee table-to-be is getting its base coat of latex paint. Unfortunately I used eggshell finish instead of satin finish. Now I know there is a difference and that difference, well it really makes a difference.

Does anybody know of a Voodoo witchdoctor that can remove a curse ? Not sure when it happened but suddenly I realized that everything I do turns out wrong. Now if this was just something that began recently I would tend to let it slide, but this has been plaguing me for awhile...oh like the past ten years or so.

At this stage I'm truly contemplating a curse removal or ritual cleansing. Have someone adept at the mumbo jumbo arts, rattle some snake fangs and dog's teeth over my head, blow smoke in my face and chase the bugaboos right out of my life.

above photo: base coat down on sides and have streaked a glaze to resemble a wood grain, of sorts, kind of, maybe, perhaps !
Photo below: more of the same but pretty blue tape has been removed.

Have been fighting with the faux finish that I wanted to put on the top of my coffee table project(aka UFO). When I first applied the crackle finish nothing happened. Twenty-four hours later it still hadn't crackled so I emailed Valspar paints to find out what to do. Seems I used the wrong paint finish, bought eggshell and should have purchased satin paint. Valspar said to go ahead and lightly sand the glaze and then apply a coat of latex satin paint and once dry go ahead with the glazing technique. Wasn't exactly what I wanted to do for the next couple of days but, okay I'd give it shot...after all it's only time.

Well, I won't go into long drawn out details, just suffice it to say I followed their recommendation but didn't get the results I had envisioned. In a nutshell...it's a mess. John, my hubby, was being very diplomatic. "Ah, yes, it's cracking this time. That's good." But once I had rubbed the darker glaze into the crackled surface I told John; "I'm not loving it !"
Photo above: the type of crackle I had anticipated and desired.

Photo below: Uneven crackling, some very tiny.


Photo below: Don't worry it's not contagious ! This is not at all the look I was striving for.
The pattern of the crackling is very sporadic, and I made every effort to apply it evenly and thickly. At this moment it looks more like it is suffering from a bad case of mange than sporting a fine faux finish.
Guess I'll go ahead and apply the clear protector coat and then go look for some nice ceramic tiles to cover the top with !

Faux Paint or Faux Pas ?

At the moment nothing is transpiring with my UFO project, it’s on hiatus as I await the arrival of a couple of how-to-do books on faux finishes. Faux painting is alien to me, never attempted it.
Back in the late 60's and early 70's I was put off by faux finishes, I had witnessed some truly bad cases of faux paint gone faux pas. Of course this was long ago in the days of television’s great home improvement gurus such as Bob Vila. Christopher Lowell came later, along with a veritable litany of TV home improvement hosts, many whose names I’ve long forgotten. I'm sure that over the years both the techniques and the products to do them have been refined considerably.
Now I stand on the cusp of embarkation into a world I’ve never before ventured, anxiously looking forward to the text that will take my hand and lead me through the fog of faux. When I ordered these books I knew I was not now, nor would ever be, a professional painter and decided it senseless to invest in pristine new editions of these instruction manuals. Since Amazon.com listed sources for used books at a fraction of the cost of new, I had to decide; could I live with a book with dog eared pages, bumped corners, scuffed covers, missing dust jackets...oh no not a missing dust jacket ! Could books that bore reminders of their past lives find a place on my book shelves ? Reminders such as library stamps, stickers, some one’s highlighting and pen notes, would these distract me from my purpose ?
Well let’s see, "The Paint Effects Bible" retails at $29.95. Amazon.com price is $26.95 (free shipping for orders over $20) whereas the used book source, condition: like new, slight shelf wear, is priced at $9.00 with additional $3.99 shipping, total $12.99. A saving of $13. 96, not bad. Yes there was a cheaper used copy at slightly over $6 and though the description states that the spiral binding was intact, the actual book cover is said to have a 3 inch tear at the back spine. Somehow I felt this could affect the over all integrity of the book, perhaps not, but to be safe I opted for a more expensive pre-used copy that stated the book was in "like new condition". I also took note of the seller's rating and just how many sales they had. For instance, there was a seller with a 100% satisfaction rating but had only 6 sales in the 12 month rating period, while another had 94% but had well over 10,000 sales during the same period of time. I'm afraid I would be swayed to go with the seller whose rating was slightly lower but whose sales where significantly higher.
The second book, "Paint Effects Masterclass", was not available directly through Amazon.com but prices ranged from as low as $3.93 plus $3.99 shipping, to as high as $87.64 plus $3.99 S&H. Can anyone explain to me who's going to be foolish enough to purchase a book for $87 that retails for less than $7.00 new ? Is an additional 80 bucks going to make it better ? Another interesting note, found a used copy, in "acceptable" condition, of "The Paint Effects Bible" listed for $256.00 plus $3.99 S&H. Could that have been a typo ? If not then what makes this volume more precious than all others, 14 kt gold spiral binding ? Does it comes with an expert faux painter to do your project for you ? In that case it would be a real bargain ! But I seriously doubt that the two versions are any different, other than in price. So I'll take my bargain used books and let you know if their discount prices hamper their effectiveness or if their bargain basement prices cause a revolt amongst my higher priced volumes of literature, will there be peace amongst the tomes?

Footnote : I wish to acknowledge and thank Jenn of Chuck A Stone Design for her recommendations of the technique books ; "The Paint Effects Bible" and "Paint Effects Masterclass".