Monday, January 6, 2014

I Don't Love You Anymore !

A storm is brewing
Last night my daughter called. She was in tears, heart  breaking, sobbing tears.  Her husband of 19 years just told her he wants a divorce, that he no longer is in love with her.   It was shattering news and I could feel my daughter's pain as though it were my own.

What can a mother do ?  I tried  to console her and then  suggested  they try to salvage their marriage by going to a marriage counselor together to find out what the root problems were .  She said she already suggested  that but her husband said no, he didn't want to go and that it wouldn't change anything as he has been unhappy in the marriage for a very long time.   I still think a marriage counselor would help, they're trained to ask the right questions, to dig deep and bring up the real issues that are hidden under emotions of  frustration, contempt,  or disillusion.
Right now  my daughter's life seems to be in chaos and I am praying that she and our son-in-law will somehow work through it all to save their marriage.   19 years together is quiet an investment of time and is worth taking a few weeks or even months of counseling to try to save. 
I'll be praying for them.


  1. So sorry to hear!! 19 years is a very long time to invest in anything. It's never easy knowing what the right thing is for the situation, but counseling certainly can have it's place. I hope that they can find some kind of solution. To me, I could never walk away from anything that I'd invested time/energy/love into without exploring all the possibilities.

    Hugs to you too as the Mom. We truly do feel our children's pain no matter how old they are.

  2. I am so, so sorry Anna. What a horrible way for her to start the new year. I hope that it works out for her, no matter what the outcome. It's sad but it happens...I was w/ my husband for 22 years but out of love with him for at least 21 of them. Still I stuck it out to be true to my vows. We were best friends but we didn't even sleep in the same room for the last 15 years of it. He was shattered when I told him I had to move on; and that came as a surprise to me b/c I had made my unhappiness known to him for years and was ignored. It's not easy......

  3. I'm so sorry to hear this. I know it's heartbreaking for you and devastating for your daughter. I hope they would both be willing to do whatever it takes to make it work before giving up. I will pray for them also. And for you too.

  4. oh Anna Maria how painful this is... so sad and heart wrenching that your daughter is going through this. I sure hope he agrees to go to counseling but if not that she comes the other side stronger and happier.

  5. WOW! That's a big bomb shell to drop just after the New Year! Prayers going up for her & hubby to hopefully resolve their issues.

    Just a little food for thought though. Instead of your daughter concentrating on hubby thoughts, problems, and needs this would be a great time to concentrate on her own. A time for rediscovery if you will. Even if he does not want to go to a marriage counselor she should go without him. Then start pampering herself, get a new look, try something she's always wanted to do. Not only will it help her forget about her problems for a little while, but it will also make her stronger in dealing with them.

    It's easier said then done. But, coming from someone who has been down this road works. Once she takes the 1st step it becomes easier. You can change the other person, but you can change how you handle them. My hubby, and I worked things out once I started concentrating on a better me for "me." Plus, he didn't want anybody to continue the new chapter of my life except him. ;)

  6. I feel for your daughter, I know that must be hard to go through. I hope whatever happens she is able to find peace. Take care Anna!
    Everyday Inspired

  7. OMGoodness, Anna I am so sorry :(

    Being married is so challenging and it does go in waves (to put it mildly), my Hubby and I have gone to counselling several times in the course of 30 years and it has always helped, just having a different persons perspective really helps, just talking it thru with a third party who is trained to guide you thru this hard process is a good thing to do. I Hope your Son in Law will take some time to consider counselling :)

    Love and Hugs to you and your Daughter :) T.

  8. I can't even think of the right words to say to you, let alone someone in the position of your daughter. She will need so much sympathy! But I agree with Sonya M. Jones above - your daughter will have to become more selfish in the good sense of the word. Plan for herself without the husband, regardless of what she's hoping for or how this is going to end.

  9. O Anna, I'm so sorry to hear this. Please know my heart goes out to your daughter and to you too. You are both in my prayers -- I'm going to go pray for you right now! God will work something good out of this *hugs*

  10. WOW I feel for both of you. Our childrens heartbreak is so hard and after 19 years I am sure this came out of the blue for her. I am sending Love to both of you

  11. I am so sorry.

    You might try suggesting to her that she sell counseling as a way to at least make the process more amicable. Not being in love is very different from not being friends. There are lessons to be learned.

    If nothing else she should go to counseling on her own- it won't make it better but it will help her find her way through the process.

    Finally, tell her to find a good attorney before agreeing to anything. She needs to take care of herself.

  12. Wow. Just wow. Sorry I've been MIA! I've been married for 18 years, so I understand exactly where your daughter is at as far as time invested goes. I'm so sorry for her. In the end though, if my husband told me that and didn't want counseling, while I love him I would let him go. I'd be scared to death, but that's more about me than the marriage. I wouldn't want him to be unhappy like that, and I would be unhappy too, then.

    I guess she didn't see it coming? Just for that, I would try to push counseling again, but as I said, sometimes you just have to let things take their own path. I'm so sorry for her!

    And the attorney part, I highly recommend all suggestions about that!

  13. My dear friend, how have you been? Are you very busy? You've been away from Blogland for awhile. I hope you are doing super and your daughter is feeling much better now. Please do feel free to email me any time! *big hug*

  14. Oh no, that is very heartbreaking to hear. Hopefully they will be able to work things out and it is just a little bump. Sending you both hugs and good thoughts.

  15. How is everything? How is your daughter doing?


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