Friday, February 28, 2014

Life's Ups and Downs

Since my last blog post life has been a volatile roller coaster ride of emotions for my daughter.  One day optimistic, the next . . . not so much.

 About a month ago, or more,  I actually wrote a post about how things were looking up.  My daughter, Kathi, had begun seeing a marriage counselor.  Even though her husband refused to attend the sessions, she went alone.  Kathi was encouraged and optimistic, the counselor told her she was fairly certain that her husband was simply suffering from a case of Mid-Life-Crisis and that Kathi's marriage could be saved.

Well to make a long post somewhat shorter- I had not finished that particular post but had saved it in drafts to complete after dinner that day.   As I was washing up the dinner dishes Kathi drove up and knocked on our door.  Because I was up to my elbows in hot, soapy water, John, her daddy answered the door.  Kathi did not say a word but just collapsed into his arms in a flood of tears. 

It took us almost 15 minutes to get her over to the sofa to sit down and calm down enough to tell us what was happening.  Fortunately it wasn't that her husband had filed for divorce or even that he had packed a bag and left.  She was totally frustrated, feeling like she was trying so hard to save their marriage and getting nowhere.  To her it felt as though she was putting in all the effort and nothing she did was good enough.  She thought it was hopeless and she didn't know how she could or would go on without him.  She couldn't fathom how, after so many years, he would be so quick to throw it all away and she had no idea how she could go on by herself.

Immediately I told her, that somehow she would make it, she would manage, that she was strong, much stronger than she realized, and that she would survive.  Many women have and  many women do and will go on without their life-long mates.  The world does not end because of divorce or even death.  Life goes on.  It may be a long road but with each day the path gets a little easier, the pain a little less and soon the sun comes out again to brighten our lives.

If she believed me or not - well that's another story.  She wiped her eyes, gave us hugs and then left to return to her own home and her children.

So much for my optimistic blog post, I deleted it shortly after she left.


  1. I'm so sorry for your daughter. :( The break up of a marriage is so hard and takes a huge emotional toll. How is she doing now?

  2. Oh sweetie, I'm so very sorry to hear this. I do pray that he will wake up and realize what's going on. Sending you and your daughter big hugs!

  3. I am glad she is in counseling- even by herself.

    You can remain optimistic, just tempered optimism.

  4. "Life goes on" is the only encouragement in this case. It only takes pain and patience and faith in yourself to get to the point beyond suffering. It is interesting how we get used to a this-is-not-happening-to-me thought and survive.

  5. Oh Anna, I am so sorry :(

    So often life throws us a curved ball (or 2) and who knows what to do with them :(

    I so feel for your Kathi and hope she can weather the storm.

    If life has taught me anything it is to reassess, be pragmatic and realise that sometimes (for me anyway) life doesn't go according to plan as often as we expect,

    I wish you all strength and love in these challenging time.

    Regards, T. :)

  6. I am just happy you are there for her... Divorce is never an easy thing and I am sure her pain is so deep right now.

  7. Anna, I am sorry to hear that it has been such a struggle for your daughter and you family. One day your optimistic words of encouragement will be all she needs to move forward. Stay positive and strong, each day will get better :)
    Everyday Inspired

  8. It's never easy going through something you thought would never happen to you, in this camass your daughter. Whatever her decision may be, hang in there that unexplainable feeling and emotions will pass.


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