Thursday, March 13, 2014

So Far So Good -

Familiar picture of the Clampett clan from The Beverly Hillbillies.
I wish to thank all of you for your kind comments and your comforting support.  It was and is greatly appreciated.
At present things are on an even keel with my daughter and son-in-law.  Much like two kids on a teeter-totter where neither child is up or down.
It wasn't long ago that my daughter, Kathi, had another meltdown.  She was tired and frustrated with being the only one trying to salvage their marriage.  She felt that no matter what she did,  no matter how hard she tried, her spouse seemed to think it was not enough.  Frankly, she was exasperated and didn't know what to do next.
Through her tears she mentioned that maybe she should just pack up and move out as that seemed to be what her husband wanted.  I was the first to nix the idea.  "No" I stressed firmly.  "You stay put.  The house is home to your children and they need their home and their mother.  If anyone should leave it should be him, not you."   John, my loving hubby, backed me on this and told her not to move out.
Naturally we went through her drama of self-doubts, doubting her abilities and her strengths.  I reassured her that she would find the courage to get through this and if it came down to divorce she would find the strength to continue on without her so-called, soul-mate.
After she left to return home, she got to thinking and the more she thought, the madder she became.  When she got home she stormed into the house and began emptying out the closets and drawers of all of her hubby's clothing,  she went throughout the house finding his personal belongings and threw all of his possession into the bed of his pickup truck.  When she was done his truck was piled high with almost everything he owned . . . it looked like a Hillbilly moving truck . . . shades of the Clampett family on The Beverly Hillbillies.
When her husband got home and saw his truck, he barged into the house yelling; "What the f _ _ _ is going on?"  
Kathi explained, "Well you wanted this.  You were the one that wants us to split, so there's your stuff.  You're free to leave."
His response was adamant; " I'm not leaving !"   To which Kathi answered, " Well don't expect me to move out!  This is my home and the children's home and I'm sure as hell not packing up all my stuff and all of the kids belongings and moving out. Since you're the one that wants out. . . there you go."
Visibly shaken he replied, "Go where?"  and Kathi said, "I haven't a clue.  You're the one with a plan so go follow your plan."
By now he realized he was in deep poop and stammered, "Plan?  I have no place to go!   I don't have a plan! "
Calm and undaunted Kathi shrugged, "Well mister, looks like you need to come up with a plan then."
Flustered he conceded, " I think we need to sit down and talk this over."
And so began a serious conversation between the two.   Kathi has asked him to go to a counselor, telling him it did not have to be the one she is going to.  He can pick the counselor of his choice or go to a church clergy.   
When Kathi had her next  counselor appointment, she told her about what she had done and how it had turned out.  Her counselor was quite shocked and said what Kathi did had been very risky and that the outcome could have turned out detrimentally different.
Presently Kathi and her husband are each making concessions and for now the teeter-totter seems to be in balance.  I'm hoping it will stay that way.  We will see.


  1. Good for her! We always told our clients not to ever leave the house...the court would end up deciding who'd get it and strategically you need to stay put. Well at least she knows he doesn't have a mistress he would move in with. It's been my experience that guys only ask for divorce or to split up when they have someone else on the side.

  2. Wow! Good for her to stand up and put the responsibility back on him. I know it's a difficult situation and I hope they can work things out. It's not easy to watch our children hurting, no matter how old they get.
    You made me smile, comparing his truck to the Beverly Hillbillies!

  3. Risky but resultant! And shows that she has regained her strength and confidence to stand up for herself. I'm happy for her!

  4. I'm so very sorry to hear about their marriage. Quite possibly, the hardest thing for you and your husband may be if they try working it out. Because, as parents, we are very protective of our children, no matter how old they are. I will keep all of you in my prayers, for healing, and discernment throughout this situation. My heart hurts for her and for you. As a child of divorce, there is no happy resolution to the situation, and never a 'good age' for the children to deal with it. Huge hugs dear!

  5. Interesting that the counselor felt it was risky. The whole thing sounded like a powder keg ready to blow, and frankly (from the outside) it looks like she chose to make the coming explosion happen on her terms. I hope things work out one way or another and it settles!

  6. SO glad that your son in law is going to counselling, sounds like he really is confused and need guidance. Hopefully it will help them both find a way forward.

    Wishing all the best, regards, T. :)

  7. Was it risky? It was a brilliant strategy. Your daughter can be unhappy as is, she can force her husband's hand and be (probably) a little happier in the changed environment without his presence, or she can leave the family home. You are clearly a wonderful parent, and your cogent advice would have changed things for the better regardless of his attitude and reaction. Lovely post.

  8. thats so hard Anna Maria, I hope that things are better...

  9. I absolutely love that she did that. Good for her!



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