So Far So Good -

Familiar picture of the Clampett clan from The Beverly Hillbillies.

 

I wish to thank all of you for your kind comments and your comforting support.  It was and is greatly appreciated.

At present things are on an even keel with my daughter and son-in-law.  Much like two kids on a teeter-totter where neither child is up or down.

It wasn't long ago that my daughter, Kathi, had another meltdown.  She was tired and frustrated with being the only one trying to salvage their marriage.  She felt that no matter what she did,  no matter how hard she tried, her spouse seemed to think it was not enough.  Frankly, she was exasperated and didn't know what to do next.

Through her tears she mentioned that maybe she should just pack up and move out as that seemed to be what her husband wanted.  I was the first to nix the idea.  "No" I stressed firmly.  "You stay put.  The house is home to your children and they need their home and their mother.  If anyone should leave it should be him, not you."   John, my loving hubby, backed me on this and told her not to move out.

Naturally we went through her drama of self-doubts, doubting her abilities and her strengths.  I reassured her that she would find the courage to get through this and if it came down to divorce she would find the strength to continue on without her so-called, soul-mate.

After she left to return home, she got to thinking and the more she thought, the madder she became.  When she got home she stormed into the house and began emptying out the closets and drawers of all of her hubby's clothing,  she went throughout the house finding his personal belongings and threw all of his possession into the bed of his pickup truck.  When she was done his truck was piled high with almost everything he owned . . . it looked like a Hillbilly moving truck . . . shades of the Clampett family on The Beverly Hillbillies.

When her husband got home and saw his truck, he barged into the house yelling; "What the f _ _ _ is going on?"  

Kathi explained, "Well you wanted this.  You were the one that wants us to split, so there's your stuff.  You're free to leave."

His response was adamant; " I'm not leaving !"   To which Kathi answered, " Well don't expect me to move out!  This is my home and the children's home and I'm sure as hell not packing up all my stuff and all of the kids belongings and moving out. Since you're the one that wants out. . . there you go."

Visibly shaken he replied, "Go where?"  and Kathi said, "I haven't a clue.  You're the one with a plan so go follow your plan."

By now he realized he was in deep poop and stammered, "Plan?  I have no place to go!   I don't have a plan! "

Calm and undaunted Kathi shrugged, "Well mister, looks like you need to come up with a plan then."

Flustered he conceded, " I think we need to sit down and talk this over."

And so began a serious conversation between the two.   Kathi has asked him to go to a counselor, telling him it did not have to be the one she is going to.  He can pick the counselor of his choice or go to a church clergy.   

When Kathi had her next  counselor appointment, she told her about what she had done and how it had turned out.  Her counselor was quite shocked and said what Kathi did had been very risky and that the outcome could have turned out detrimentally different.

Presently Kathi and her husband are each making concessions and for now the teeter-totter seems to be in balance.  I'm hoping it will stay that way.  We will see.

Life's Ups and Downs

Since my last blog post life has been a volatile roller coaster ride of emotions for my daughter.  One day optimistic, the next . . . not so much.

 About a month ago, or more,  I actually wrote a post about how things were looking up.  My daughter, Kathi, had begun seeing a marriage counselor.  Even though her husband refused to attend the sessions, she went alone.  Kathi was encouraged and optimistic, the counselor told her she was fairly certain that her husband was simply suffering from a case of Mid-Life-Crisis and that Kathi's marriage could be saved.

Well to make a long post somewhat shorter- I had not finished that particular post but had saved it in drafts to complete after dinner that day.   As I was washing up the dinner dishes Kathi drove up and knocked on our door.  Because I was up to my elbows in hot, soapy water, John, her daddy answered the door.  Kathi did not say a word but just collapsed into his arms in a flood of tears. 

It took us almost 15 minutes to get her over to the sofa to sit down and calm down enough to tell us what was happening.  Fortunately it wasn't that her husband had filed for divorce or even that he had packed a bag and left.  She was totally frustrated, feeling like she was trying so hard to save their marriage and getting nowhere.  To her it felt as though she was putting in all the effort and nothing she did was good enough.  She thought it was hopeless and she didn't know how she could or would go on without him.  She couldn't fathom how, after so many years, he would be so quick to throw it all away and she had no idea how she could go on by herself.

Immediately I told her, that somehow she would make it, she would manage, that she was strong, much stronger than she realized, and that she would survive.  Many women have and  many women do and will go on without their life-long mates.  The world does not end because of divorce or even death.  Life goes on.  It may be a long road but with each day the path gets a little easier, the pain a little less and soon the sun comes out again to brighten our lives.

If she believed me or not - well that's another story.  She wiped her eyes, gave us hugs and then left to return to her own home and her children.

So much for my optimistic blog post, I deleted it shortly after she left.

I Don't Love You Anymore !

A storm is brewing

 

Last night my daughter called. She was in tears, heart  breaking, sobbing tears.  Her husband of 19 years just told her he wants a divorce, that he no longer is in love with her.   It was shattering news and I could feel my daughter's pain as though it were my own.

What can a mother do ?  I tried  to console her and then  suggested  they try to salvage their marriage by going to a marriage counselor together to find out what the root problems were .  She said she already suggested  that but her husband said no, he didn't want to go and that it wouldn't change anything as he has been unhappy in the marriage for a very long time.   I still think a marriage counselor would help, they're trained to ask the right questions, to dig deep and bring up the real issues that are hidden under emotions of  frustration, contempt,  or disillusion.

Right now  my daughter's life seems to be in chaos and I am praying that she and our son-in-law will somehow work through it all to save their marriage.   19 years together is quiet an investment of time and is worth taking a few weeks or even months of counseling to try to save. 

I'll be praying for them.